Show notes:

119. PART3: Unraveling the Patriarchy, Past, Present, and Persistence

Vanessa 00:00
Welcome to the Empowered brain, the only podcast using science, psychology and coaching to help you rewire your brain and create a life you love with your host, Dr. Vanessa Calderon, a Harvard grad physician, master coach, and mother of two.

Hello, sweet friends. Welcome back to the podcast. So we are continuing our series on the patriarchy today. So this is our part three. And if you have been listening along, you know that this series was inspired by one of my students who came to me for coaching on impostor syndrome. And I had initially sat down to create a podcast episode on impostor syndrome. And as I was thinking about, you know, drafting the episode, I was like, hold on a second, I can't talk about impostor syndrome without talking about all the reasons why every one of the students that I work with, and I coach, experience impostor syndrome, because of the oppressive nature of the patriarchy. And so I really wanted to get across how it was developed, how it is so pervasive and affects so many areas of our life, how we essentially institutionalized the oppressive nature of the gender-based, you know, hierarchy, with the patriarchy.

So in part one, I talked all about the history and how it was developed. So go back if you haven't heard that yet. In part two, I share all of the examples of how the patriarchy showed up and continues to show up, both at home if you are listening from the United States, but also globally because this is something that affects everyone all over the world. And today, we are talking about how to slowly chip away and dismantle the patriarchy. And the fact is, that it is highly unlikely that in my lifetime, the patriarchy will be dismantled. But I also believe that it is my responsibility to continue to do the work to make the world a more equitable and just place for everyone living in it today, and everyone that will come after me.

In fact, one of my all-time favorite quotes that um, I first learned when I was an activist before I became a physician, that I have just kept with me for my entire life. And I love it so much and if you ever email me, you'll see it's part of my email signature. One of my all-time favorite quotes, quotes comes from the Talmud. And I'll paraphrase it here it says, Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief. Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief, you are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it. And I have just always felt that it is part of my responsibility as a human being and part of the collective soul and consciousness of all humans, to really make this world a better place and do my part to make the world more equitable. And just, which is why I've chosen the career paths that I've chosen and why I do the work I do today. And why I'm so passionate about helping women overcome internalized oppressive natures like racism, patriarchy, ableism, and fat phobia and all of those types of things, as well as own their gifts and show up more confident and really light up the world with their beauty and their potential.

Okay, so that was my little intro, which I didn't realize was going to take so long to get us started on why we need to break down the patriarchy and how we're going to do it. You know, I think it's pretty obvious when I say why we need to I mean, I think everyone can generally agree that oppression is bad, that I don't think anyone can argue against oppression is bad. I think we all agree. I'll give you a few examples.

Number one, you know, everyone that is listening to this episode right now. Whew. So you listening to this episode, and everyone that you see when you're looking outside of your windows, you are all human beings, which means you are a child of the universe of source energy of Spirit of God if you believe in God, and by being these beautiful children of source of spirit. You have an inevitable, inevitable beautiful right to be treated with dignity and being treated with respect. Regardless of your chromosomal makeup. Regardless if you are x x or x y regardless of your skin pigmentation And regardless of how light, how medium skin, how dark skinned you are, none of that matters. Because you are a beautiful child of source of spirit, you have the right to be treated with dignity and respect and valued for your gifts and your talents. And we should not, I think everyone would say yes, of course. But that also means that just because you have an X X or an X, Y, we should not be able to discriminate against your talents. Or we should not assume that your value is only based on your appearance, depending on your chromosomal makeup that makes absolutely no sense.

Every one of you is a human source of spirit a gift of source and of spirit. This means every one of you has the right to be treated with dignity, with respect, and you have the right to be seen for your gifts and for your value and valued for your talents. And that is why dismantling every system of oppression matters so much, especially this one that affects everybody. gender oppression. So, okay, it's pretty obvious, right? We all agree oppression is bad, and we should dismantle oppression. I'm also giving you some examples because the truth is that when we start dismantling all of these systems of oppression, the entire human race progresses, and we see societal progress with gender equality. Gender Equity has been linked over and over and over again, with improved outcomes in education and health care, and you know, finances employment, the entire society thrives, culture thrives. So I'm going to give you just some really clear examples, and then we'll talk about how we do it. Alright, so let's talk about economic growth.

If we're going to make an argument about gender equity, it's really important to understand how important it is for our economy. Our economy thrives when we have more gender equity, by harnessing the full power of the nation's workforce, everyone that exists in our nation. So when women have equal access to education to employment, we have a larger pool of talent and expertise that becomes available, leading to increased productivity and increased innovation. In fact, studies have shown over and over and over again, that when large companies and corporations have gender diversity and racial diversity throughout their organization, especially in leadership, they have better engagement scores, and better overall and of your financial returns. So let's think about labor force participation, this kind of goes along with our economic growth.

Again, when women are given equal opportunity to enter the labor force, the overall labor, and labor force participation rate increases. And this is helpful because we will often have labor shortages in specific industries. But when everyone's able to participate, and everyone is educated and has the credentials to participate, we're able to meet those gaps. And when we think about education, gender equality, and education ensure that the best minds that we have are being developed irrespective of our chromosomal makeup, irrespective of your x x or x, y, your minds are being developed, which leads to a better-educated population.

So our humans, or the entire human race are better educated, which means we have a more skilled workforce that can adapt to the changing job market Second, be more innovative. And this keeps us competitive as we move forward towards progress. So unlocking this human potential is incredibly important. And one of the ways we do that is by dismantling the patriarchal barriers that exist, the patriarchal barriers that don't allow a woman to work, the patriarchal barriers that say, No, a woman is supposed to have a child at a young age, those types of things get in the way of unlocking our entire human potential. So when we have women participating in the workforce, what else happens? We reduce overall poverty. And I don't have to make an argument here as to why it's important to reduce poverty. Well, that was loud.

Vanessa 09:32
We don't have to have an argument here as to why it's important to reduce poverty. But there are just some obvious things here. When we reduce poverty, what happens? Women are better able to show up for their families. They're they have more flexible work environments. There's an entire ripple effect that comes after that for the people that they are now raising. And we break cycles of violence because this is for two reasons.

One, the patriarchal system perpetuates violence against women saying that men are stronger and better men have the right to. And oftentimes this violence is backed up by religion. And what we do when we give women the right to have financial freedom, they don't have to stay in these relationships where it's unsafe, it's unsafe for them physically, mentally, sexually, they can actually break away from these areas, and it breaks cycles of islands. What we've seen in entrepreneurship is also incredibly important and when we see gender equity in entrepreneurship, it leads to increased innovation and economic diversification.

For the same reasons, all the things that I've mentioned before, we also know in leadership that when we have leadership, diversity, gender diversity, and leadership, we have better decision-making. Because now we're thinking about different perspectives. Different perspectives create different policies that are much more inclusive, and these inclusive policies now create a place that fosters more inclusivity and allows people to get more engaged and feel more engaged in their workplaces.

So gender diversity is so important. All right, so how do we do it? How do we start slowly chipping away the thing is this, that we get to for the rest of our lives, do our work to make the world more equitable, which means every day, slowly, we get to understand our biases, see where they're holding us back and do our work to then try to remove those biases and do our work to make sure that we're leaving this world more equitable for the people that follow us.

Okay, so there's a role for everybody in this, it, this is not just a woman's job. Let's like when we talk about women in leadership, it's not just a woman's job to increase women in leadership, or the diversity of women in a lot of these other places. It's everybody's job to do that. So if you're a man, it's incredibly important for you as an ally to understand that, if you are well-meaning and you want to improve gender equity, in your organization in the places where you lead, it has to be your responsibility to oftentimes what happens is you have that one woman that's kind of like the token woman there. And all of a sudden, every gender issue gets pushed over to that woman. Oh, talk to this person. Oh, talk to Sally, talk to Sally, talk to Sally. Oh, we don't have a gender equity problem. Go talk to Sally. Listen, it's not just Sally's job, it's everybody's job. Sally has a full-time role. And her role probably is not to increase gender equity in your organization, you're probably not paying her for that. So it's everybody's job to do it.

Alright, so how so if you are a man or someone who identifies as a man or you have that X Y chromosome, start by challenging those norms, those patriarchal norms, and those societal norms that we experienced that actively discriminate against women, and start supporting women's rights and not acknowledging your own privilege. Acknowledge your own privileges, man, acknowledge your privilege that perhaps you don't even feel like part of that guilt when you're not home. Perhaps you assume that it's your job to provide, which means it's the other person's job in your family to care for the care for kids at home if you assume it's your job to provide. That's a privilege, it means now you get to work because you feel like you have to work. So acknowledge your privilege, and then call out sexism when you see it. This includes and I've talked about this before, policing dress codes, if your organization polices dress codes, really think about that. How is this sexist? How does this benefit men? And how does this really how is this really sexist towards women?

The other thing for all of you X-Y chromosomes out there challenge toxic masculinity. So really reject toxic masculinity and the notion that men have to conform to this narrow and harmful idea of what it means to be masculine. That really helps create a culture where emotional expression, empathy, collaboration, and transparency are valued. And think about those qualities, empathy, compassion, collaboration, expression, those types of things are known to improve outcomes in large corporations, that type of leadership that's Transformative Leadership. It's the new wave of leadership. It's known to improve outcomes, financial outcomes, and of your returns. And when you hear those, they kind of sound like feminine qualities empathy, compassion, collaboration, but the truth is, anybody can practice those. I've had fantastic bosses that are x y, you know, that are that identify as men who have those As qualities, and they make for way better bosses.

So when you challenge toxic masculinity, masculinity, you allow that expression, that natural expression that comes up, which creates a more engaged workforce, a safer work environment, and more inclusivity. So if you are in leadership, whether you are a man or a woman, the higher up you climb and leadership at this is your invitation to really take on the cause of increasing the diversity underneath you really pull people up. How do you create inclusive policies, start by creating really inclusive policies where parental leave, is paid. Parental Leave is kind, it's compassionate, and parental leave includes both men and women, not just the woman gets to take time off. But if a dude is having a baby, we should allow him to go home and be with his kid. If not, we are just furthering the stereotypes that it's a woman's job to care for the kid. So your policies for parental leave should really include both men and women. And here's a really obvious one, but hire more women, hire more women, and pull them up.
When I hear I hear this all the time, Oh, we just didn't have enough woman candidates, I just get I just am like, you probably had at least one or three fewer five. And, you know, just having women, you know, increasing the pool of applicants to include women, because you want to feel like you're interviewing everybody, and you're having that and you're being really inclusive, but then you don't hire a woman. That's a really big problem. So do your job, really recruit, really build women up, get them ready for those roles. If they're not ready yet, build them up, get them ready for those roles, mentor them, coach them, counsel them, support them, champion them, build those women up to fill those roles, and make your organization friendly to women. If you are noticing that you're building up all these women, and then they're leaving, ask yourself, why don't put it on them don't say it's their fault. Don't say that, Oh, they just wanted to choose a family or they wanted to leave? Probably not. If a woman made it up high enough to want to be a leader in your organization. And now she's leaving, it's probably a problem with your organization.

So examine your organization and check to see why are we losing women stop blaming the women stop saying it's because they just wanted to have a family or they just what's probably happening is that they have internalized all the ways that they can't do both because your organization isn't friendly to them doing both. So really, I would just ask for you to just ask that of yourself, and start creating policies that are so much more inclusive to everyone. And if you are that token woman on the top of the ladder, I'm talking to you right now, I just want to hold you high, I honor you, and I acknowledge you because I know what it's like to assume that now the problem is fixed. Or that you will solve the problem or that when there's a problem with another woman, you will be the person that goes and talks to them. I just want to hold you high. And I want to let you know that it's not your job alone. That's a huge responsibility that women at the top, especially when they're by themselves, they shoulder, and they are not alone, this should be everybody's job. So if you're that woman in the C suite by herself, kindly and gently remind everyone, especially if you work for an organization that says that they're progressive, gently remind them that it's everybody's job to improve gender diversity.

Okay, so here are some more initiatives and tactics for all of you. Number one is education. This is a simple one. But education starts at home. So when you are raising your children, think about the ways you're raising them. How are you raising your men? How are you raising your women? How are you raising your girls and boys? Can you engage them in educational efforts to raise their own awareness about gender equity? Teach them about the harms of the patriarchy, use the word patriarchy at home, and let them know why these kinds of barriers exist. Why does the stumbled standard exist? Say the word patriarchy?

Vanessa 19:19
Raise your boys to be kind, and compassionate, and let them cry if they need to not show any emotion, that's again, perpetuating that toxic masculinity. Raise your women to be confident to be brave, let go of the story that your daughters need to be perfect. You probably are thinking to yourself, Oh, but I don't think my daughter needs to be perfect. Of course not. No one's perfect. Well ask yourself, do you ever get frustrated when you guys are out in public and your daughter does something and it doesn't seem to be perfect as that argument a little bit? Think about that. Because oftentimes, those biases are so subconscious that we don't even realize we're passing them on to the next generation. And I know I was raised with a bunch of perfectionist tendencies, and I love, love, love my ancestors for everything that they did. And I get it, I get why they pass this on, for a woman to survive back in the day, she needed to be married so that she could have finances, so that she wasn't out on the streets so that she wasn't homeless. And in order for that to happen, you needed to show up and you needed to be, quote, unquote, desirable to be married. And the more perfect you could be, the likelier it was for you to be desired to be married.

And so I know why this tendency was passed on to me, and I'm doing my best every day to acknowledge those own biases that I hold, because I'm raising a boy, and I'm raising a girl, and I want to do my best to raise them with unconditional love, and really teach them about these systems that exist, and not pass a pass down even subconsciously. Those thoughts that would be my daughter need to be perfect, and mites and my son need to be strong. All right. If you are raising older children, consider the education that they need, especially about comprehensive sex education. I know that's a touchy subject. And it's kind of out of the scope of this podcast episode. But just think about that, think about that education, and what that would mean for your kids to think about respectful relationships, what it means to be treated with dignity with respect, what it means to have good friends are a good significant other like, what, what are those qualities?

Now, if you have the capacity to advocate for policy changes, especially in your workplace, I would just make sure that you're looking at all of your policies, and really looking at them with the eyes of how can we make this most more friendly for women. I will give you guys a few examples here. One is equal pay. So I talked a lot about the gender pay gap in the second episode. And I'll just briefly mention it here. The gender pay gap exists. It's not something that's made up, you can look at data, and data and data, and more and more and more, until you can prove it for yourself. But if you already believe it great. And let me tell you, it doesn't just exist because one big reason is that we have historically undervalued the work that women do. And so when women are doing the same exact job that men are doing, we have historically undervalued that and paid them less. And we have not fully corrected that problem.

That's a big reason why the gender pay gap exists. But it also exists because we have socialized women to not negotiate. We've socialized women to feel guilty to ask for more. We've socialized women to feel bad to feel like they're selfish or to feel like they're greedy when they're asking for more when they're trying to negotiate. And we've socialized men to negotiate, to show up to ask for what they're worth. So yes, of course, the gender pay gap exists, and it continues to be perpetuated. So one of the things you can do in your organizations is look at those policies when you're thinking about hiring and pay and create transparent pay scales, merit-based pay scales that don't benefit the people who are good negotiators. Because those tend to historically be men. I remember when I was a department chair, and I was hiring these incredible people to work for us these advanced providers and physicians. And I had this gal who had come and she had so much incredible experience. She was just like, she just like she was intelligent. She had so much experience. She was so good with the nurses, people loved her. And we told her the hourly rate, and we just said, this is how much we pay. And she's like, okay, great. Yeah, I'll take it.

Okay, great. So we hired her. And then I interviewed a dude who had a 10th of her experience. He was a very nice guy but didn't have anywhere near her level of experience. I tell him his hourly. And he's like, Oh, well, yeah, I mean, to really make it work. I need this much, or I need these days off, or I need this. And he was just negotiating so hard. And I was sitting there, really taken aback shocked. I was like, Isn't this so interesting? That if I'm not careful, I could potentially hire this dude and pay him more because he's just a better negotiator because he wasn't willing to take the first number. Whereas this woman who was way more experienced than he was, just said yes. And so I remember I very clearly created at that time when I had that experience. I was like, man, we got to create some really clear and transparent pay scales, and everyone should know what people are getting paid. And they should know what it takes to go up a level. If you want to make more. This is what you have to do. This is what we expect. This is how we will pay you based on your levels of experience, and how you show up your productivity. And it was just, it was mind-blowing for me to have that experience.

But I just loved it so much. And guess what happened, I started recruiting a ton of women, because women want to work for locations and organizations that value their worth. And so of course, I saw when I started at one of the hospitals where I was a department chief when I started there, there was like 15% women in the workforce, there are physicians and advanced providers. And within a year and a half, it was 5050. And within two years, it was 65%. Women, I was when I looked back, I was I didn't even realize what I had done. And then when somebody had pointed that out to me, like look, what I had just done and what I recruited and how I made it so much more equitable. I looked at the policies I had created.

Because my policies were so equitable, I was just so clear about how we were going to pay, I was clear about how we were going to support both men and women, when they were about to give birth, where we were going, how we were going to schedule them, where we were, how we were going to give them time off, I was so thoughtful about all of that supporting them with pumping spaces, all of those types of things, because it really mattered to me. And that is what's possible for all organizations when you start thinking and understanding that these biases exist. Because oftentimes, we don't even realize that that negotiation is a problem. We don't even realize that's a problem. Especially if you are a man, you probably never realized that it's a problem that women don't like to negotiate.

Vanessa 26:42
So I'll just leave it at that when I'm talking about negotiations and pay scale. But I will also say that there are so many small things that you can do to make your organizations that have nothing to do with money more gender equitable. And really what it ends up doing is helping your entire organization create a sort of this culture that's congruent with having a holistic life, a well-balanced life, where everyone gets to feel fulfilled, both at work and at home. So some of those things are super simple to do. Number one is the work expectations and what's expected of people after hours and on weekends. So by that, I mean, don't send emails out in the middle of the night, don't start texting people after hours or on the weekends. And if you are someone that's just when you're productive, and that's when you're gonna get stuff done.

Schedule your emails to be sent Monday through Friday during regular work hours. Because the fact is that the people who work with you are under you, they are going to feel obliged to reply, they are going to want to seem productive and successful, and they're going to want you to like be impressed by them. So they will reply, or they will think they have to reply to those emails or those texts during their off time. And that's messed up. So if you're doing it because you want to feel good about yourself, or because you want to prove to everybody that you work really hard, I would just invite you to examine that. And to really notice the type of culture you create, when that's how you think you need to show up. Because that insecurity that you're holding on to is creating a really toxic environment for that organization that you're working in. The second is when you're thinking about any kind of retreats, or board meetings, if you're that person that schedules for a really long time, I was in charge of scheduling these large events.

So what I will say is really be thoughtful of when people need to be there. And the expectation, if the meeting doesn't start till that next morning, consider starting after 10 In the morning, so potentially people can travel that morning, they don't have to miss another night with their family the night before. And you know, oftentimes there's all these like, dinners and this and that that's planned. And I think those are great. But if there's a way to include that with limited time, instead of doing a dinner before a dinner the night of and then a breakfast the following morning, how can you limit that so that you can make it more friendly for for your workforce that has families at home that they don't want to be away from their family for this long? So think about those types of things and think about what it means to be successful in your organization. Does it mean that you're expecting them to overwork to show up all the time for these events that are like social events? Do you just want them to show face at these events?

And yes, of course, like some of those really matter they they're helpful for culture. But really think about the ones that matter and highlight those if the holiday party matters, then don't plan like a 10 Other events because you want to make sure that you're creating an environment where everybody can be successful. Not just people who have stay-at-home significant others are not just people who don't have young kids or don't have kids at all. And the other one is really promote wellness. Do your best to promote wellness. And that the number one way for you to do that is to lead by example, take vacations, and announce your vacation, I'm going off for two weeks, and I can't wait to share pictures of your vacation. So everybody knows it's okay to take vacations. Don't work during holidays, if you can, and talk about how you didn't work over the holidays because you wanted to be with your family or enjoy your time off. Don't plan big events during graduation season, if you have young kids, and there are all these things happening, and it's graduation time.

Don't plan events during that time. Again, the email thing happens when you promote wellness. But really think about it because you are leading by example, in these organizations when you're the leader. And in order to create an organization that has a culture of wellness, it has to start with you. It has to start with you. One of the other things I will just say is, when you're thinking about inviting people for speaking events, really this is another big obvious one for women. But if you're, if you're if you maybe have an X Y chromosome, or you identify as a man, you might have not noticed this as a problem. Look at the people that you're having speak at your events, look at what they look like, are they diverse? Or are they representing you know, your entire organization, I was asked, I have a husband who's just amazing, a fantastic partner, I'm so lucky that, you know, I got paired with him in life, thank you spirit. And we really have a 5050 relationship at home.

And I definitely think that the reason why I've been able to be so successful at work is because he's just been so helpful with everything that we do outside, you know, inside of our home. And I remember I got asked to speak at a conference. And they wanted me to be there in person. This was after COVID When almost everything was virtual, and they wanted me to be there in person. And normally I would try to figure out a way to get there if I could. But this was one time when my husband had to work and couldn't be home with the kids. And so I looked at all these other options, and I didn't have another option. So I texted the leader of the organization, I said, I'm so sorry, I can't make it. I don't have childcare. And I'm just going to share with you an example of an incredible boss, one of the people I used to report to whom I just have so much, you know, respect reference for I just thought he was incredible. He immediately texted me back and said, All right, hold on a second, let me figure out how we can get you on stage virtually. And you know, this was one of the first things after COVID.

So, everybody, they wanted everybody there in person. He said, Let me figure out how we can get you there virtually. Because I'm because I don't want childcare to be one of the reasons why you can't get there. We need to have more gender, he said, We need to have more gender equality. It was amazing. And so he went back and pulled some strings, and they allowed me to present it was the only presenter that presented virtually at that conference. And it's just an example of when you are in a leadership position, what you're able to do when you don't accept the status quo. When you understand that, in order to promote gender equity, you have to do things in the beginning that are uncomfortable, like go back and push back and say sorry, like she's the most qualified person to speak on the stage about this issue. And she doesn't have childcare. So how else can we get it? How else can we make this work? So I'll leave you with that example. And I'm going to just share one last thing as I'm signing off here. It might be the most important thing of all these three, the three parts about the patriarchy and dismantling the patriarchy. And that's this. It's point blank, I'm just going to tell you that the truth is that the patriarchy exists. Sexism exists. gender inequity exists, there's

Vanessa 33:51
a double standard. Women are expected there are different things that are expected of a woman and it stinks. It's horrible. I hate it. And it's the way it is. And I want you to know that it's out there. And it's often perpetuated by not just well, meaning men, but also well-meaning women who don't know any better. We were all raised in the patriarchy. Unless you've done your own thought work and have gotten really clear about your own biases, you are probably unknowingly continuing to perpetuate these biases, these stereotypes, these double standards. I can tell you right now, just from my own personal example, how I perpetuated these systems of oppression, and how I was policing my own dress code. So what I will say is just know that that's out there, your dress code is going to be policed. The way you speak is going to be policed. Is your tone of voice too high? People are going to say that and then they're going to gaslight your experience.

They're going to try to tell you that it wasn't sexist, or that it wasn't racist if you're a woman of color, that you just need to work harder or you just need to dress differently or every It follows the dress code. So just know that this exists. One of the most important ways for us to not be victims of the patriarchy or any other system of oppression is by owning our experience by understanding that we are having these experiences and they're real. People will try to gaslight but don't let them gaslight your experience. Because here's the thing this exists, and we get to decide what we do about it. We get to decide what we do about it. If there's some gender-sexist dress code at your place of work, you get to decide do you want to play the game and continue to be promoted. Or is this one of the battles that you're going to choose to fight because you can definitely choose your battles? But what I will say is don't gaslight your own experience. If you need your experience to be witnessed by somebody else, go to a trusted friend, go to somebody who gets it, or DM me, you can follow me on Instagram privately DM me and I promise to bear witness to your experience. Because one of the most important things for us is to understand that this is happening out there. And we should not be gaslit by the people that don't want to admit that it's happening. I'll tell you for me, one of the reasons why I climbed so quickly in my career is because I unknowingly was playing the game.

I policed my own speech, I was really careful not to come across as abrasive or bossy, or I didn't want anyone to say that I was being quote-unquote too much. I policed my own dress code, I made sure that I dressed the way my colleagues dressed, I wanted to make sure that I always appeared professional, I played the game of how to be successful, I played the game of how my male colleagues were playing the game. Most of those male colleagues had stay-at-home partners who had no other jobs that were fully responsible for child care when I was a mom of two young kids, which means I was definitely overworked and my marriage was definitely strained in the beginning. And I did this, and I did this and I kept doing this and I kept climbing the ladder. And the higher up I climbed, the more isolating it became, because the higher up I climbed, the less likely there was to be other women there, and definitely less likely to be other people of color. Oftentimes, I would find myself the only woman or the only person of color in those spaces. And I overworked myself straight into burnout. But that doesn't have to be your story.

This doesn't have to happen to you. And the way we make sure it doesn't is by not internalizing this system of oppression. Because when you start to internalize the system of oppression, you are doing the work of the oppressor. I know I've said that before, but it's just so important. When you start to notice that this is out there, it's going to be part of life sexism is going to exist. It's not going to end by the end of my lifetime, but I will do whatever I can for the rest of my life to create a more equitable world. And leave it like that for my daughter, for my son, and for everyone that comes after them. So own your experience, and decide what you want to do about it. Pick your battles, be thoughtful, and first and foremost, care for yourself. Do what you need to do to protect yourself and your own well-being.

Okay, sweet friends, that was a big rant. But I just want to leave you with this one last thing, which is, listen, we have an inequitable world is just what it is. And we have to do our best to show up and succeed. Because we have some incredible talents, all of you listening, you have this incredible talent inside you this value that needs to be shared out in the world. And what sometimes slows you down is imposter syndrome because of the patriarchy. And that is keeping you from shining your light from sharing your potential for making this world a better place. And I don't want that to be the case anymore. So I hope you found this helpful. And if you want to do the work, and you really want to do your own internal work and get all this stuff out of your head and really retrain your brain, to be more confident, to be more courageous, to be more brave to stop feeling guilty over things that don't matter to let go of imposter syndrome. Then I want to invite you to come and work with me directly. And there are two ways you can work with me. You can work with me inside of my program, the journey VanessaCalderonmd.com/join, or reach out to me on Instagram. Or you can reach out or you can work with me one-on-one and you can find that on my website VanessaCalderonmd.com Alright, sweet friends. Have a wonderful, wonderful week. Until next time

Vanessa 39:53
Hey, sweet friends, if you love what you're learning, then you've got to join us in the journey. It's my all inclusive pro Graham and the best community out there giving you the education you never knew you needed to help you create a life you love join us at Vanessa Calderon md.com forward slash join I'll see you there