64. How coaching helped me become a Time Management Ninja With Dr. Tasha
SPEAKERS
Vanessa, Tasha

Vanessa 00:00
Welcome to coaching for Latina leaders, the only podcast dedicated to the advancement of Latinas at every level of life with your host Dr. Vanessa Calderon, a Latina with over 20 years of leadership experience, Harvard grad physician, and mother of two.

Vanessa 00:19
Hi friends, I have a very special announcement for all of you. This month we're reopening the doors to my signature coaching program The Life and Leadership accelerator. The accelerator is the only evidence-based coaching program created exclusively for female physicians of color. It's an incredible all-inclusive 12-week program. You get everything you get coaching, teaching, healing, you get CME, and you also get an amazing community of other female physicians of color that care about your success just as much as you do. In the accelerator, you're going to learn how to unjumble your brain get unstuck. So you have mental clarity, you're more focused and confident, and you're going to learn how to master your emotions and stop feeling unnecessary guilt and overwhelm. Plus, you'll learn how to set boundaries and say no to things without disappointing others, you're going to learn how to get organized and have full control over your schedule. No more running around with a never-ending to-do list that leaves you exhausted at the end of the day. Your calendar and what you spend time on will finally reflect your priorities. And you're going to learn actual mindfulness tools that work so you can be more calm and centered and less stressed and overwhelmed. Listen, friends, mindfulness and self-compassion are my jam. I have advanced degrees and training in this stuff. In fact, I'm the National resiliency expert for large physician organization. And I got my compassion fatigue education from the guy who invented the term compassion fatigue. So the tools I teach are solid. And lastly, I use my 20 years of leadership experience to teach you all the nuts and bolts of transformational leadership. You'll learn how to get promoted and be seen without overworking how to speak up confidently how to deliver stellar onpoint presentations like you're delivering a TED talk, how to negotiate so you'll always create wins, and so many other good things. Okay, so this is the last time the program is going to be available this year. And I really don't want you to miss out so you can go to my website right now, to learn more and join us at Vanessa Calderon md.com backslash join. That's Vanessa Calderon md.com backslash join and join us for the Fall cohort. It starts on September 6. Okay, my friends, I am so excited about what's possible for you when you join us in the accelerator. Gets me all giddy inside doors closed on August 30. So make sure you check us out Vanessa Calderon, md.com back slash join before then. Alright, enough gushing on to this week's podcast.

Vanessa 02:58
Hey, friends. This week, we are continuing our series on the transformative experience of coaching. And this week, you get to meet my client, Tasha. So Dr. Tasha came to me to solve one problem time management. She wanted her schedule to be more manageable, and she wanted to be more present with her kids. Now the time was especially precious to Tasha because she has a young daughter who's medically complex with a terminal illness, which you'll hear more about in the episode. And when she came to me, she had already tried outsourcing hiring help and working with a therapist. But she still didn't have the results she wanted. And after working together, she became a pro and managed her time, she was finally able to spend her time in a way that truly reflected her values. She started creating more me time and she stopped charting at home and was able to finish all her charting at work. But the best part of her story isn't her huge win with time, no, her best part of her story or all the other unexpected benefits that she got through coaching. Now, I don't want to give any spoilers but what I will say is this, like so many other female physicians of color, Tasha was dealing with overwhelmed with stress with guilt. And her story is a beautiful example of what's possible when you choose to prioritize your well-being and invest in your mental, physical and emotional health. Okay, enjoy her story.

Vanessa 04:25
Tasha, I'm so happy that you're here. Let's get started. Can you just tell everybody a little bit about yourself?

Tasha 04:31
Yes. My name is Tasha Farooqi, and I'm a pediatrician and mother of three children. And I work in Cincinnati, Ohio, and balancing motherhood career as well as being a wife kind of doing all the things.

Vanessa 04:50
Yeah. And so tell me why you were initially interested in coaching what problem are you hoping to solve?

Tasha 04:58
My initial interest As in coaching was honestly due to feeling like I wasn't the most efficient or effective with my time. And the things that I was doing with my time, I wasn't sure if they were actually reflective of the values that I had or I thought I had in my life. And so I really wanted some help in time management and having just the most efficient way to get tasks done, but then also to be more present in my children's life, as well as working on some self-care.

Vanessa 05:36
And there are a ton of different ways to have done that right to try to solve the problem. What do you think brought you to coaching specifically? And what did you have any concerns about before investing in coaching?

Tasha 05:50
Yes, I think that as much as I would love to say that my first go-to was coaching, it was more of a matter of me knowing that I needed something in addition to what I was doing, it wasn't that I wasn't trying anything else like I had been, and still continue to be in therapy, definitely have, you know, extra set of hands when it comes to childcare had really flexible jobs schedule. But really what I was finding is, 

even with all of those things, and the things that I thought that I was doing, that were all helping me, I still felt like I was running a mile a minute, and still not able to really be present even with what I thought was everything that I needed. And so as far as the things that, you know, prevented me and I wouldn't say prevented me in the sense that when I was open to the idea of coaching, I knew that I was going to go through with it, but I did have some hesitations and some fears. And I think that those hesitations and fears definitely included time, if I was already low on time, how was I going to create more time? And then the other thing is, it's truly a commitment. So it's not like time that you can schedule at your leisure. In some ways, it's flexible, but at the same time, you're committing to, you know, approximately a weekly meeting with homework. And so I think that was definitely a little intimidating. It is an investment as far as a financial investment. But I also think that I had gotten to the point where I realized I was already financially investing in so many other avenues that I wasn't quite getting the results that I wanted. So those are the things that I was most fearful of but decided to jump in anyways.

Vanessa 07:41
What do you think helped you jump in and when you had those fears or concerns,

Tasha 07:47
the things that helped me jump in are thinking about all the time, that in a day and how much time is lost, and thinking about how valuable time is. And so you can't really put a price tag on that. And in order to to have more of it and have more of it and use it in a meaningful way I was willing to invest in methods that would help me lifelong, I think the other thing is, you know, there's a there's a fear of like, well, what if I'm somebody that needs lifelong coaching? And I'm not opposed to that, but I did kind of look at this as, okay, what are my goals for the time that I'm a meeting, and this is somewhat temporary like it can be a foundation for what's to come. And I think that also helped me really see that it was going to be worth it because it's a discrete amount of time. And then also just if you think about how much I spend in therapy, for example, or you know, medical bills, those all add up. And really the cost and investment of coaching are not much different than some of these other things that I was spending my money on, that I again, wasn't getting the same types of value from.

Vanessa 09:02
Yeah, and my experience to you, when you showed up is you are so willing to you know, get the transformation come in, did the work, you were present, it was really beautiful to watch you grow through our sessions together. So when you think about coaching for like a friend of yours, or someone who might be on the fence, why would you recommend this to them? And what would you say?

Tasha 09:26
As far as for my friends that are on the fence, I think that the one thing that I could see my friends being concerned about is a financial investment. Again, I think that come up with some examples in ways that we spend our money on other things that again, don't quite create such an impact on our lives. The other things that I would tell my friends about are this is such a different approach. It's not only practical, but it's also meaningful. The other thing that I loved about coaching is not necessarily like, here's how to organize your time, but it really digs down deep is your attachment to why you do things in certain ways. And again, it's an angle that my therapist doesn't quite do. And so I just felt like it was a wonderful adjunct to what I was doing. And so in discussing it with friends, again, I think this is a very unique experience and kind of showing them and telling them about how unique this is, as well as there's nothing else like it when it comes to tying in practical emotional aspects of your life in how to to live your life.

Vanessa 10:42
Yeah, I totally agree. That was kind of my first experience with coaching to that I'd never experienced anything like it. And I remember when I was first introduced to it, I was like, What the heck is this? What's coach, I had no idea what it was. And it sort of blew my mind because it uncovered so many different areas in a different way. Unlike therapy, you know, it wasn't just digging backward, but it was actually propelling forward, it was like, that's kind of uncovered this wound, Let's heal it. And let's see why it's held you back, you know, and now now I was able to move forward, you kind of had a really similar experience you did. So talking about results, you mentioned that a lot of the different avenues you sort of weren't getting the results you wanted. Let's talk about the results you did get from coaching, what do you think were the three biggest benefits you've experienced with working with me?

Tasha 11:32
So, three biggest benefits, and I'm gonna apologize if I end up saying more than three. I think for me, one of the best results that I got out of this is I wasn't really anticipating, understanding, or uncovering what was holding me back, I was really in the mindset of, you know, moving forward, and not really looking at the reason for why I was doing things in the way that I was doing things. And so I think just challenging myself in. And for me, I got really stuck in guilt. And I just felt like there was so much I learned in how that feeling is embedded in so much I do, and then really working with you in kind of letting some of that go, and what that looks like. And so that would be a huge aspect that really impacts everything that I do. And just exploring that, and kind of being a little bit more free from it.

The other, more practical, but very, very helpful things that I've learned from working with you is the power of planning, I can't tell you how much I love that. And if anybody gets to work with you, they can learn more about that. But for me, I had this endless list of things to do. And I never knew how to feel like I could actually relax because I always felt like I had to complete that list. And the way that you went through that with me actually was just a wonderful way of giving myself that sense of satisfaction.

And another thing that has been beneficial is figuring out ways to outsource in a way that is financially responsible, as well as again, not feeling that attachment to guilt if I don't do everything myself. And so those are, I would say the most benefits that I got. But you know, I'm gonna just say one more, that's a little bit deeper. And I don't mind this was sharing this with others if this is helpful, but I think one of the things that I have been carrying for a long time is, you know, the fear of loss. I have a child that's medically complex. And I think that the feelings of grief, the feelings of fear of what will happen with her are also very embedded and things that I do on a day-to-day basis. And I think one of the things that truly like I can still remember that conversation that we had a breakthrough is this sense of peace and surrender. And for whatever reason, I needed you to help me get there. But it really has continued this path of just acceptance and if anything has really validated all of the things that we've talked about and how to live our day-to-day. Yeah,

Vanessa 14:35
I think that that's really, really, really beautifully said and it just brought up so much in me like so much love that I have for you and like you know, respect that I have for you and your husband as you're, you know, navigating what's going on here. And really just gratitude that I was able to support you to get you to where you are today because as you know, like I've also been navigating the sense of loss with my mom and You know, it's always easier supporting somebody else as they get there. But um, but it's trying to create that level of peace. And it's never going to be simple or easy. And some days are harder than others. And some days are so much sadder than others. But I think, overall being able to sort of accept life as it comes, because when you accept the negative, it sort of opens you up to receive the joy, right? It's like, oh, but now these moments are so much more precious. And anyway, thank you for sharing that. I appreciate that. And I feel you and I love you.

Tasha 15:38
I will also say that with the questions that you have challenged me with, I literally can hear your voice. When I feel myself getting stuck. I'm like, okay, she's asking me right now like, Well, why do you think you did this? It's actually very helpful, though, because it keeps me in line and the things that we've we've talked about. So just know that even though my coaching sessions are done, the work is not. And so it comes up, it comes up all the time.

Vanessa 16:10
That's so beautiful. I love that. You're thinking about that, too. Like some of my most effective coaches have also imprinted those, like really powerful questions in my brain that sometimes seems so simple, but they're like, oh, my gosh, what a powerful question, you know. And I think that's like one of the beauties of coaching. It's not just that a coach tells you what to do, instead of coach helps you trust yourself and ask yourself and unclutter your own brain, you know so that you can get down to the heart of it. Because remember, I told you this at the very beginning ultimately you will always know what's best for you. But there's a bunch of Shi t that gets in the way of us, you know, getting to that answer. And sometimes we think we need to crowdsource and sometimes we think we need to ask everybody else's opinion. But really we know and so sometimes all we need is a really powerful coach to uncover that for us and unclutter our brains so we can get back in touch right with their intuition.

Tasha 17:06
Oh, my gosh, I actually remember that in one of our first discussions, I was telling you about some decision I made and you're like, Oh, sounds like you had to crowdsource. And I'm like, Why do I do? Remember you saying, why do you? You know, that's, you didn't make any judgment on it. It was more of a statement. But it was a true statement and one that I had never thought of or explored. So no, that's, that's absolutely correct. And thinking about, you know, you know, what you need, but you have to definitely uncover and do the work to get there.

Vanessa 17:39
Totally. So one of the things that I think is really helpful is sort of painting a picture of what your life was like before coaching and what your life is like. Now, if you're comfortable doing that, mainly because I think people experience the finished product and are like, Oh, I could never do that. I could never get there. I could, you know, but really, we're all humans having a human experience. And we all experience sort of the same like for me, I know, I have a ton of insecurities and a ton of like, issues in my own life that I get to continue, you know, work on and it's not like I was born, who was that God that was born like a full-on Goddess, Minerva? I think I was not born like that, you know. So it all takes work. And so I'm curious if you can sort of paint a picture for us of what your life was like before coaching and what you've experienced now.

Tasha 18:25
So for me, as far as the difference, you know, pre-coaching or post coaching, I think what's interesting, and it might be because I initially started as crowdsourcing is actually hearing the observations for those around me, in some of which don't have intimate knowledge of the things that, you know, we've discussed in coaching. So, you know, for example, I think that my husband was shocked when I would actually sit down at the end of the night, or the fact when I used to spend all my evenings charting, and I don't do that anymore. And so I think having him see some of those results of wow, you're actually like, taking time for yourself that you're actually sitting down. I think that was really, really eye-opening for me.

The other thing that my own therapist has said to me, is, that there's a sense of calm in your voice from when we first started our therapy together. She said, I feel like there was always the sense of stress and like it was always buzzing around and it was making all this noise all around you and you were always on edge. She's like, I don't feel that in your voice anymore. And while the circumstances in my life are not quite different, if anything, they're actually more complex and, and more challenging. My response to that is just so different. And so I think we So with those two people who probably know me the best to hear their reactions to the change that they see on a daily or weekly basis have really meant a lot.

For me, it's hard. As far as that, for me, just again, getting that sense of gratitude. And I feel that a lot more, I feel joy, a lot more. I don't feel so numb. I also have the understanding now, thanks to coaching that a lot of times I create dizziness to avoid feeling my feelings. And it's so and again, I'm not perfect, right? So it's not that once I got done through coaching, I never do that. It's not that it's I can catch myself, but I can acknowledge it. And then I have a moment to change it. And so that's what's beautiful is that, yes, it's very easy to go back to your own, or old habits, I should say. But now I have the tools to kind of stop, pause, reflect on what I'm doing, or why I'm doing it, and have a chance to change it.

Vanessa 21:10
Oh, you're gonna make me cry. So beautiful. Oh, my gosh, it's so beautiful. And I don't know if you remember this, but I remember so many sessions where I would just like, want to like end the session by just acknowledging the, you know, Shi T out of you. Because I'm like, do you are really getting this stuff, and you're putting it into practice, which is the most important thing, because I think the thing about coaching that's really transformative, or at least the type of coaching that I practice and that I do with my clients is that I don't just, again, I don't tell you what to do. And I don't just give you a bunch of homework, but I really sit with you to dig down because I want you to retain the stuff, you know, and the fact that like, you're telling me right now, you're still using all the tools and you're still like hearing these questions in your brain and asking yourself these questions, and you still have that sense of peace and joy. Like that is transformative work, you are retaining all that work. And it's really making a difference in how you show up for your husband, and your children. I just think that that is so beautiful.

Tasha 22:15
To share with you one more thing, I had a new office manager that doesn't know like kind of what's going on in the background in my life. And you know, I've had a couple of weeks to work with her and decided to sit down with her and say, Hey, like, I just want you to know, some of the things are going on in my life, just because it might impact work, it might impact on the days that I'm here. And after I told her what was going on, you should have seen her face. And I was like, are you okay? And she's like, I just don't understand, you seem so happy. Like how do you exude all this joy when you have all this stuff going on? And it's the thing is, it's not a facade, it's not fake, it's, I really do think it's a matter of how you're looking at life and how you practice it and do the work. But I will also say that the work is hard. So I want to at least acknowledge that. It's not easy work. But it's worth it.

Vanessa 23:16
Yeah, that's really beautiful, you know, and the more you allow yourself to feel those feelings, that's, that's what's hard, right? It's like actually processing and letting yourself dig deep. And I just also just want to acknowledge the fact that you felt so safe in our sessions to do that, you know, and I know that I do the work to make sure that I create that space of safety. But um, it comes with a lot of vulnerability and vulnerability is not easy, right? It's like one really takes a lot of courage. And so just on technology for doing the work, like you got the results because you were willing to come and sit down and really dig deep. And it's not like medical school hard, you know, by any means. It's just right.

Tasha 23:56
A harder because you really have to dig, you know, and gosh, there are so many times where you'd ask me a question. And I'm like, Come on, just tell me the answer. Like I don't even want to like think about how hard it is. But if you sit long enough, you find the answer.

Vanessa 24:12
Yeah, totally. Okay, so what do you think surprised you the most or sort of made you the happiest about working together?

Tasha 24:23
I would say the things that surprised me the most is truly how transformative the experience was. While my only expectation which I felt was a high expectation was truly in helping me in time management and figuring out the best ways to practically outsource the things that I needed to do. The change that occurred was actually from within and that is not what I thought coaching was about and it's honestly not what I thought this was experience was going to be about and so that was surprising. The other thing that was surprising is how much this work continues to go on, despite the fact that our coaching sessions have ended. And so I would say those two are the most surprising. And then the other thing that I've kind of alluded to I was so prize in how hard the work was, in the sense of being comfortable and being comfortable in being uncomfortable. And just really trying to think about things in a way where we have to sit in it. So it surprised me how hard it was, as well.

Vanessa 25:37
Yeah, and you know, I think the beauty or the strength is like, the more you can sit with that discomfort, the more transformative, you know, the more results you get, the more transformative the experiences. And that's probably like, I think the hardest part is being able to sit with the uncomfortable feelings that come up, because, and why. So the reason why they're uncomfortable, like for a lot of you listening, that have never experienced coaching before, it's because you know, you've been doing the same thing your whole entire life. And if you think about your cells in your brain, your neurons, they're connected by these things called myelin sheets, and it's kind of like, um, like insulation around a neuron, right? And no, you know, this, Tasha, but for those listening, and that is super thick, you know, it gets thicker and thicker and thicker, the more we practice, the way the more we practice, the same thoughts we have, the more we don't change anything.

And when you start really questioning the way you've been doing things, and you realize, like, hold on a second, guilt is an optional feeling like I don't have to feel guilty, you know, or like, hold on a second, I don't have to keep being stressed out about all these things, you're questioning these things that have been bundled together for so long. And the discomfort comes from you undoing a bunch of old stuff that actually isn't serving you anymore and building new neural connections that serve you, that's where the discomfort comes. And it is a physical sensation in your body because the mind and body are connected 100%.

And I know for me, for example, because I'm still experiencing my own transformation throughout my whole entire life. And, you know, I pray to God that my journey never ends. Because every day is an opportunity to, you know, dig deeper and become a better version of myself and open me up to be more loving, but also receive more love. And for me, I realize like, it's still even though I've been doing this work for almost a decade, it's still uncomfortable for me because I want to do the work, I want to sit there and I know physiologically, what's happening in my brain, which I think for me makes me feel a little bit, you know, like, alright, like, this is just, you know, the undoing. This is just the process.

Tasha 27:39
Absolutely. It's like rerouting the, you know, the pathways

Vanessa 27:44
100% What do you think? Okay, any like game changer? You mentioned power planning? And if you feel like you've already answered this, it's fine to repeat the answer or just say the same things. But um, one thing that you think you learned that helped you the most or like, any game changers here, like, what made the biggest difference for you?

Tasha 28:02
So, yes, power planning has been a game-changer for me. And I also truly feel the thought that guilt does not have to serve me in any way, neither does this feeling of dizziness. Those are two things that really created strong patterns in my behavior. And so it's been liberating to, to not have that have to be a part of everything I do. Yeah,

Vanessa 28:35
that's awesome. Power planning. It's so interesting. So for those of you listening, if you join us in the Life and Leadership accelerator, power planning isn't even a core of what I teach, because there's so much other good stuff, but I do add it as a bonus because Tasha had said so many amazing things about it. So I was like, man, if it was that transformative for Tasha, and now every time I teach it, people just blow up. They're like, Oh, my God, I didn't even know I could do this. Alright, so let's wrap up Tosh. Any like, first tell me what were you like the proudest of overcoming

Tasha 29:10
the thing that I'm most proud of overcoming is the fear of my daughter's death. That's why this continues to be a process. I truly, truly feel that my time with you helped me be open and accepting of all that is to come the good, the bad, the sad and it doesn't mean that, you know, I don't feel that anymore. There's no sadness and a compass with that. But it truly is an acceptance and an acknowledgment that I really was avoiding. And that's been the greatest gift. I really don't think I could have done that with therapy alone.

Vanessa 29:58
That's huge. Natasha Just wants to create space for that right now that's huge. Any last words you want to share any last things you want to say I'm

Tasha 30:07
feeling all heavy all over last words that I want to share, where I think that when you meet with your clients, and you initially tell your story, I think that's really important in, in knowing how you can have physical manifestations of the things happening in your life and how you're living with your life, so I do appreciate you sharing that. But you know, last-minute tidbits are just realizing that mind-body connection and also really letting the listeners know that there is a connection. And in case we're avoiding that, and knowing that it's worth it to explore the reasons behind you know, pain, whether it's the TMJ pain, whether it's you know, irritable bowel, whether it's migraine headaches, these are all things that can be experienced when, when you're going through a lot and that that's worth it to uncover more as far as tools to better yourself and better your health.

Vanessa 31:16
That's awesome. Thanks for sharing that. And again, I just want to acknowledge you for investigating yourself because I know that you know, guilt was a big thing for you, and you had never invested in yourself in this way. And it's just so beautiful to hear what is possible, you know, when you actually understand the value of your own life and what happens when you are your best self how you show up for other people. You know why investing in yourself is so important. Well, thank you so much my darling.

Tasha 31:41
You're welcome. Yes, Please edit anyway.

Vanessa 31:54
Hey, friends, you know, all those times when you wanted to say no, but you felt guilty? Well, I created a free guide just for you. It's the ultimate five-step guide to stop people pleasing, where I teach you how to say no guilt-free. Plus, you'll be added to my mailing list and that's where all the magic happens. You'll have access to my free resources, training, and weekly notes of inspiration. You've got to check it out. There's a link in the show notes. Alright, see you next week. Adios.