Episode #55:

Creating Space for the Discomfort

June 16, 2022

Shownotes:

Episode #55: Creating Space for the Discomfort

The thing that is standing in the way of the big lofty goal you set and where you are now is a feeling.

Setting goals can feel exciting, fun, and motivating. This is because our brain releases dopamine when we set goals.

But, doing the work to achieve the goal requires a different part of our brain. It requires the part of our brain that utilizes commitment and determination. And, that's uncomfortable.

That's right, the feeling standing in the way of achieving your goal is discomfort.

In this week's podcast episode, I teach you how to cross the gap from where you are now to where you want to be, by creating space to feel the discomfort.

Being able to create space for discomfort opens up so many possibilities. Take a listen, learn how to do it for yourself, and try it out.

Coaching for Latina Leaders

About the Podcast

Leadership ability is equally distributed but opportunity to lead is not. This podcast is for all women, those that identify as leaders and those that don't, yet. You'll learn how to let go of guilt and self-doubt so you can show up with confidence everywhere you go. No more questioning if your idea is good enough to share, if it's worth it to speak up, or if you're a good enough leader. All that self-critical B.S. stops now. Listen in as masterful educator and Harvard grad physician, Dr. Vanessa Calderón, teaches you how to let go of the things standing in the way of your success as a leader. Get ready, this podcast will accelerate your personal and professional growth.

Dr. Vanessa Calderón, MD, MPP has over 20 years of leadership experience. She is a Harvard grad, ER physician, Life and Leadership coach, and a mother of 2. She's a first generation Latina and is dedicated to uplifting her community. She's the founder of the Latina Leadership Accelerator, where she uses education and coaching to support the personal and professional development of women at all stages of their lives and careers.

Leadership Accelerator

Is a 12-week Life and Executive Coaching program that will help you execute at a higher level, thrive in all areas of your life, and improve your self-compassion. You'll be able to:

• Improve your productivity by 60%
• 10X your Emotional Intelligence
• Have more time for the people you love
• Cultivate an unwavering sense of self-compassion

The next cohort starts in Fall 2022. Learn more and join the waitlist at: www.vanessacalderonmd.com

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Creating space for the discomfort

Vanessa 00:00

Welcome to coaching for Latina leaders, the only podcast dedicated to the advancement of Latinas at every level of life, with your host, Dr. Vanessa Calderon, a Latina with over 20 years of leadership experience, Harvard grad physician, and mother of two.

Hey mujeres welcome back to the podcast. So happy to have you here. So before I start again, I want to remind you, that if you have not gotten your free copy of The Ultimate Guide to stop people-pleasing, I want to encourage you to go get it right now. It's at VanessaCalderonmd.com\guide.

Now I put this together because I have been coaching hundreds of high-achieving women. And in my experience, the one thing that keeps getting in the way and keeps coming up over and over again, in our coaching sessions is this one fear, which is I'm afraid to disappoint other people, or I'm afraid they're going to be mad at me. Why? Because we are socialized to be people-pleasers, to make other people happy before us. And so in the guide, I walk you through all of the different things to look out for to see if you were people-pleasing. I walk you through it and teach you why it develops. And let me tell you right now it is 100%, not your fault. And then I walk you through a five-step process that's so easy to use that will teach you how to stop people-pleasing today. Okay, go get your copy right now. VanessaCalderonmd.com, I'll put a link to that in the show notes.

Okay, so let's talk about space for discomfort. So this, this topic, I wanted to talk to you guys about it because, in my experience, the one thing that gets in the way of us doing what we want to do, of having difficult conversations of asking for a raise or going out to you know, Train for that half marathon of losing those 15 pounds is the discomfort that comes from actually doing it. So there's the, I don't know if you guys have heard of this concept of gap versus gain. And the thing is this, that when we set a goal, what would the part of our brain that we're using to set the goal is part of our motivation, part of our brain, dopamine is involved. And it feels really good to set big lofty goals. But we're not at the goal yet.

So the goal is where we want to go. And where we are right now, there's a space between where we are now and where we want to go. And that space in between requires a different part of our brain to achieve the goal. What we need to use is the part of our brain that requires commitment. And that can feel uncomfortable. That discomfort is what we need to create space for every time we want to achieve something new. So I want to ask you guys right now, do you know where discomfort shows up for you and your body? Like how does it feel for you when you're feeling uncomfortable? Think of a time when you needed to do something uncomfortable. Maybe it was standing up for yourself or asking for a raise, or you needed to speak up in public? Where in your body did you feel that discomfort?

For me, I often feel discomfort kind of like in the pit of my stomach right at the epigastric area. It doesn't necessarily feel like pressure in my chest is right below my chest. For me, I feel overwhelmed. And anger right at my chest. It feels like pressure and I feel sadness and guilt in the pit of my stomach. But I feel discomfort right in between. And it feels like this nine sensation, it feels uncomfortable. So what I want to ask all of you to do right now is to imagine what would be possible, if you gave yourself the space to feel that discomfort and take the action anyway. Because what I've seen is, a lot of the times we do whatever we can to avoid the discomfort and our brains are wired to do that. Our brains are wired to do whatever we can for pleasure. What else can we do to gain pleasure, pleasure, pleasure, and avoid, do whatever we can to avoid pain? And discomfort in our brain is associated with pain. Because it's reflexive. It's using our primitive brain and it's reflexive. What we're not doing is we're not accessing our higher-order brain to see that that discomfort is leading to a better outcome that's going to give us more pleasure later.

Vanessa 04:31

We're not able to see that in the short term. So if we're not on to ourselves, once we start feeling uncomfortable, look back off. And that that sometimes is the reason why we're not making more money because we're afraid to ask for the raise. We're afraid to be uncomfortable. It's the reason why we're not making more money because we're afraid to invoice somebody. After all, I've never invoiced somebody who feels a little weird. I've never done it. How do I do it? It's the reason why we're continuing to show up in the same In a relationship, relational patterns, where you know, we avoid conflict, because we're so afraid of what might happen, even though you might be totally fine, but you might have this fear to do it because of a ton of, you know, whatever childhood trauma may be.

So again, I want to ask you what would be possible if you created space to feel the discomfort and took the action anyway. Because I have to tell you that for me, I have just befriended discomfort so much, that I know exactly how it feels in my body. I know every time I'm going to do something new or different, I'm going to feel it. And before I would be like, Oh, no, something's gone wrong. I'm feeling uncomfortable. I need to backpedal. I need to think of a different, a bunch of different ways to do it. And maybe I'm doing it wrong. And now I realize, of course, and feeling uncomfortable, it's something new and different. I've never done it, it's going to feel uncomfortable, I'm going to create space for the discomfort, and I'm gonna take the action anyway. And that, my friends, is how you get closer to the goal you want to achieve. That's how you get closer to your utopian state. When I asked you to think about, you know, what is it that you want to create? It feels good to think about that. But getting it is not as easy. But if you're willing to feel that discomfort, I promise you that you can get there.

Okay, my friends this week, go for it. Make space for that discomfort and see what's possible for you when you feel the discomfort and tell yourself that it's okay. It's just discomfort. I'm gonna take the action anyway. Okay, I'll talk to you guys next week, Adios!

Vanessa 06:43

Hey Mujeres, if you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe rate review, and share it with a friend. And if you love what you're learning here, then you have to sign up for my weekly love letters. I send you all the good stuff, doses of inspiration, and all the skills you need. So you can live lead and make money like the chingona that you are, subscribe on my website at VanessaCalderonMD.com I'll see you there.