41. PART 2: The evolution of the inner critic and how to silence it

Welcome to coaching for Latina leaders, the only podcast dedicated to the advancement of Latinas at every level of life with your host, Dr. Vanessa Calderon, a Latina with over 20 years of leadership experience, Harvard grad physician and mother of two. 

 Hey, Mujeres before we jump into this week's podcast, I want to let you know about my course that's coming up. So the first week of April, I am launching my life leadership course the leadership accelerator. So this is going to be a 12-week course and the content is off the hook. So in the 12 weeks, we cover everything you need to execute at a really high level with a ton of self-compassion, you learn how to have an unshakable level of confidence. So even in those spaces that in the past have made you feel insecure, you show up with self-confidence, you learn how to be a brain ninja, so that you're hyper-aware of your thoughts and your emotions. And you're no longer paralyzed by guilt, by shame, by anxiety or fear of disappointing other people. And I'm going to teach you how to live a life of attention. So that the choices you're making every day really reflect your values, and you're thriving in those everyday life stressors. And I'm going to teach you the nuts and bolts of transformational leadership, we're going to cover those big three things that you need to be an effective leader, including public speaking. So I'm going to teach you how to speak to influence in any setting, whether you're giving a keynote address, you're leading a workshop, or you're just running a meeting, you're going to learn how to show up like you're on a TED stage. Number two, I'm going to teach you the art of transformational negotiations. So you walk away from every negotiation feeling really good about the outcome. And I'm gonna teach you how to manage people, I'm going to teach you how to be the best boss that the people that work with you have ever had. 

Okay, so I deliver the content in a way to make sure that you just don't learn it, but you actually start to use it and you retain it. So a year from the last day of the course, you're still using the content that you've learned. So the way the course is delivered is you get weekly modules. And these are super high yield, they're short, and they're easily digestible, because I know you are all incredibly busy women, and I am not about to waste your time. And you also get weekly coaching and teaching sessions. So every week we come together, and we review some concepts that you've learned over the week, and we do ton of group coaching. And you also get individual one-on-one coaching sessions with me. And on top of that, and probably the best thing about this entire thing is that you get to join an incredible community. When you join the course you're joining a community of other really amazing and compassionate female leaders. Now imagine being in a community with other really amazing women that care about your success just as much as you do. That's what the leadership accelerator gives you. Okay, so the program launches April 1, the waitlist will be open on my website, the second week of February, VanessaCalderonMD.com, and you want to make sure you get your name on the waitlist right away because you want to be the first to hear about any course updates, and you want to get first dibs at registration because it's going to be limited to only 20 women and I want you to be one of them. Okay, now on to this week's podcast.

  Hey, cuties. Welcome back to the podcast. So last week, we talked about the evolution of the inner critic, and this is part two of that episode. And today I'm going to teach you one way to silence that inner critic. And before I start, though, I want to remind all of you that I am launching the spring cohort of the leadership accelerator on April 4, and I am so excited to bring you this program because it is so effective. Now, everything I teach is backed in science and draws from cognitive psychology, neuroplasticity, my wellness and resiliency training, and my 20 years of leadership experience. And I personally use every tool that I teach, I use it myself, and it's the reason why I can do so much wear so many hats, do it all in excellence, and still have so much time for the things I love and have a really well-balanced life, have a great relationship with my kids and be super present for my marriage. And again, it's not just me, I've been using the same tools over the last three to five years with all of my students and all of my clients, which include, you know, high functioning CEOs, doctors, lawyers, teachers, and other leaders. And they've all seen very similar results. The accelerator itself is 12 weeks long. And at the end of the 12 weeks, you're going to have everything you need to increase your productivity by 60% You'll be able to 10 Extra emotional intelligence, you'll be able to create more time for the things you love. And as one of the most amazing byproducts of everything you learn. You have a new unwavering sense of self-compassion. It's really, really fantastic. And I can't wait to teach all of this to you guys. So the enrollment is open now. And we're capping it to only 20 people because I want to love up those 20 people and give them a really high-quality experience. So I'd love for you to be one of them. It's first come first serve, you can check out the enrollment and the website at VanessaCalderonMD.com. Enrollment closes on March 31. 

Okay, so let's get into this week's podcast. So last week, we talked about the evolution of the inner critic, and this week, I'm going to give you one tool to weaken your inner critic. And as a result, strengthen your inner sage. Okay, so if you recall from last week, the inner critic lives in our primitive brain, it's the less evolved part of our brain that was wired solely for survival. If you want a visual of that, you can put your ball up your two fists, put them together. And when you see that you see the parts of your knuckles that touch that's your higher-order evolved brain, that's your prefrontal cortex, and your wrist with a touch. That's your primitive brain, that's your lower part of your brain. That's the brain that's wired for survival. And that's where the inner critic comes from, which is how we know everybody has an inner critic because humans are wired to have one. And we have these two feedback loops that are running in our brain that are cleverly known as the vicious cycle versus the delicious cycle. Now, the vicious cycle strengthens your inner critic. So when that inner critic that Judge offers you something mean, or a judgmental thought either towards yourself towards someone else, or towards a circumstance, and you believe it, and you either retreat or respond with fear or anger, that action strengthens that inner critic. And when that inner critic is getting stronger, it weakens the part of your brain where your inner sage lives, the prefrontal cortex, your higher-order brain. So when your inner critic gets stronger, your inner sage gets weaker. The good news is, though, that the opposite is also true. That part of your brain where your inner sage lives is the involved part of your brain, again, your prefrontal cortex, okay, so that's the part of our brain that's responsible for focus for decision making for social interactions for discernment. And when your inner sage is running the show, and you're thinking thoughtfully, you're feeling focused, you're feeling committed happy, usually at peace, and you're taking action, positive action from that place, you're acting again, from a purposeful and intentional thought. You're creating purposeful and intentional results. And what that does, in turn, is it strengthens your prefrontal cortex, it strengthens your inner sage, and it weakens your primitive brain and weakens your inner critic. Okay, so how do you do this? How do you strengthen your inner sage and weaken your inner critic? So this might sound a little counterintuitive, but the way you do this is by commanding your brain to be totally silent. That's right, you turn off your inner critic, by commanding your brain to be totally silent. And that allows you to harness the wisdom of your inner sage. It's really phenomenal. Why is that because our inner critics are just thoughts that our brain is offering us all the time? And when you command your brain to turn off those thoughts, you're turning off your inner critic. And you're making yourself available to the wisdom that's been offered by your prefrontal cortex or your inner sage. So there are many different ways to strengthen that self-command muscle. Okay, so for example, a lot of people meditate. Meditation is a super hot topic, I did a whole podcast episode specifically on meditation. And if it's something you're interested in getting into, I recommend you check it out. But if you don't meditate, that's okay. Because you can practice self-command already. But if you do meditate like me, this is one way to take that practice to a higher level. It's really incredible what this can do for you. So I've been meditating for the last 15 years. And when I started practicing self-command, so including these little episodes throughout the day, which I'm about to teach you, it really took my mind my level of awareness to a whole different level. And if this is not you, you've never meditated before. That's okay, because you don't need to meditate to practice self-command throughout the day. Now, the reason why this is so powerful when you're practicing self-command throughout the day is because you're training your brain to be silent, again, on command in the middle of a really busy day. The science behind this is really interesting. So I took a cognitive psychology course by this brilliant Stanford professor named Shirzad Shiming. He also authored this book called Positive Intelligence. And they did a ton of research on this. And what we've learned is, you need about 10 seconds throughout the day, so you need to take breaks throughout the day. Each break needs to be about 10 seconds long. 10 seconds is about the length of three breaths, three, four breaths, inhalation and exhalation that's about 10 seconds. And you need to do that throughout the day multiple times a day to strengthen that self-command muscle you know, just like you go to the gym to strengthen your biceps and your triceps, you practice these things to strengthen your brain muscle. So this is my recommendation to all of you. If you want to practice this, I recommend you start with about three breaks per day. Okay? And you can incorporate this already to the things you do to make it easy. So when I first started, I was trying to do this like once an hour, and it was, it was a lot for me to do in the beginning. And just the way all of the habit literature goes, when you incorporate it to something you're already doing, it's easier for it to become a habit. So my recommendation is pick something you're already doing throughout the day. Here are a few examples of things you already do, where you can incorporate practicing self-command, number one when you go to the bathroom. So I do this now every time I go to the bathroom, whether I'm at the hospital on a shift, or I'm at home, when I'm about to go to the bathroom, and I decide, okay, I'm take a bathroom break. The second that I decide, I may get time for self-command. So I just stopped breathing. I know. And all self-command is again is your silence in your brain and you're focusing on your breath or your body. So for me, I either just take three long breaths before I get up to go to the bathroom, or I totally focus in on my body, I focus on my feet touching the floor. As I'm about to get up off the chair, I focus on myself taking walks to the bathroom, so mindfully walk to the bathroom. And I focus on myself, for example, emptying my bladder, washing my hands, filling the warm water on my hands, and coming back to my desk or wherever I'm working that day. That will usually be about two minutes. And if you break that up into 10-second increments, you can see we've taped, we've done a few self-command reps, because every rep is about 10 seconds long. So you can also do this when you're going to go pick up your phone, if for example, you're looking at the computer, you want to take a quick break and you want to get on social media. When you reach over to pick up your phone before you pick it up. Or once it's in your hand before you turn it on. Take a quick 10-second break and three breaths in three breaths out that strengthens yourself command muscle. Okay, so bathroom breaks, when you're picking up your phone before you're gonna eat a meal. When you sit down to eat the meal, take three breaks quick 10. second break, before you're going to go into a meeting is another time that I do it. When I'm getting in or out of my car, I do it. And anytime I'm about to go into a clinical shift in the hospital, so I get into the hospital, I go into the doctor's lounge, I change into my scrubs put on my stethoscope, and right before I'm about to walk into the department, I just do a quick 10 Second, break three breaths, and that's my self-command rep. Okay, so you build up muscle again, the self-command muscle, which weakens your inner critic and strengthens your inner sage by practicing this throughout the day. Again, if this is the very first time you've ever done it, I recommend you start slow, do three breaks per day. So maybe choose one thing that you do, whether it's brushing your teeth, or eating a meal or going to the bathroom, choose one thing that you do, and do that three times per day. Once you get really good at that you've made that a habit after about one to two weeks, increase it to five, and then to seven. And you'll start noticing how your brain starts to shift. It's really incredible. For me what I noticed because I had already been meditating so much and I was I am so much at a really high level of awareness because I've been meditating for so many years. But what this did for me is it allowed me to tune into when my inner critic is showing up for me in the middle of the day, when before it was so subtle. Now I notice it because I and I noticed it because I can feel a shift in my body, but then I can shift out of it. Because I can command my brain to turn it off. It's really incredible. Okay, so good luck. I want to encourage all of you to try that out. And again, if you like what you heard today and you want to become a brain ninja and learn how to always have your inner sage taking the lead, so you're more focused, more productive and you have more time for the things that you love and bring you joy. I really want to encourage you to enroll in the leadership accelerator. So enrollment is open now. I want you to go to my website VanessaCalderonMD.com click on leadership accelerator, read all about it and sign up before March 31. Again, we're living in it to 20 people and I would love for you to be one of those 20 Alright, until next time, adios. 

Hey Mujeres if you enjoyed this episode, subscribe rate review and share it with a friend. And if you love what you're learning here, then you have to sign up for my weekly love letters. I send you all the good stuff doses of inspiration and skills so that you can live lead and make money like a Chingona. Subscribe on my website at VanessaCalderonMD.com See you there.